Fat and Angry

MY STORYBOOK

One time I ate a ginger snap, I never rode a motorcycle again. THE END

One time I tripped and fell down three flights of stairs. Ahh, those where the days. THE END

MIKE AND BoB

BoB: So then the book said, "Hey you're the boss!" Ha ha ha!
Mike: Ha ha ha ha...wait, did you say "the" or "shoe?"
BoB: The.
Mike: Oh..I don't get it.
BoB: Hey Mike, I'll sell you this shoe lace for a dollar!
Mike: No.
BoB: You drive a hard bargain, two dollars!
Mike: Two fifty!
BoB: Sold! Now I can use this money to get a fancy dinner on my date with Sally tonight!
Mike: That's good because I have a date with Suzanne!
BoB: ....you don't have a date do you?
Mike: No...
BoB: Tsk tsk, you shouldn't lie like that.
Mike: I know I know. Sorry.
BoB: OK I'll let it pass this time!
Mike: You don't have a date either do you?
BoB: ...no.

MY LETTERZ

My arm hurts, my leg hurts, I have a headache, an earache, toothache, and a noseache! I smell bad and I need to change my diaper, I FEEL GREAT!

Jill Pettycoat
Age 29
Las Vegas, Nevada

DR. BILL'S HEALTH TIP:

Studies have shown that 99% of people that fire a torch at themselves get burned. I must warn you that if you plan to do anything that involves burning yourself, do it with extreme caution. Hurting yourself on purpose is funny, but doing it on accident is no laughing matter. So next time your eye is gouged out by a pencil, make sure you did it on purpose. If you fail to do so, take three corn chips and call me if you wake up.

Doctor's orders!