Fat and Angry

PLEASANT CORNER

Customer: I'll have the Pina Colada Special.
Combover Carl: Would you like fries with that?
Customer: What? No!
Combover Carl: YOU'RE FIRED!
Customer: But I don't w-
Combover Carl: YOU'RE FIRED!
Manager: Are you mad about something Carl?
Combover Carl: Yeah, I stayed up all night watching a Mike and BoB marathon. I didn't get a bit of sleep! Uuuh oh yeah my house collapsed too.
Manager: Again? That's the third time this week!
Combover Carl: Well I guess that goes to show when you're building your home and run out of nails, don't use Poligrip on the rest.
Manager: Guess so!

MY STORYBOOK

One time I saw a cat trying to comb its hair with a sparking wire, I don't really remember what happened but I think I was late for supper that night. THE END

One time my mom bought me a chest with many handles. A few years after that one of the handles came off. I blamed the dog tied in our backyard. THE END

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

The mutt was hungry and I had a steak my mom had worked overtime to buy me. For some reason I was just holding the meat in my hand and looking at the salty hound. I decided to wait till my mom wasn't looking...then I ate the steak in front of the dog. I was chased all through the neighborhood that day and to make a long story short, I got a whoopin. THE END

MY JOKEBOOK

What do you call a puddle of lava, with ducks in it!?

Soup and quackas!

What did the chicken breast say to the bicycle?

This guy has a strange appetite!