MY LUNCH MENU
MAIN MENU
Licepaghetti
or
Commode ala Mode | SIDE DISHES
Parmesan Connery
Banana Hamma
Chapstick Chowder |
MY JOKEBOOK
Why was six scared of seven?
Because eight nine ten!
What do you get when you cross a toilet and a candy cane?
A peppermint crapper!
What's a zebra's favorite book?
A "Zebra" of Two "Zebras"!
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE OVEREATING
10 You take a five minute break from eating when a new president is elected
9. You know how your arms and legs taste
8. "Breathing" appears on your to-do list
7. You fork rusts during a meal
6. Burger King sues you for overworking employees
5. Your chins sound like applause when you nod
4. You have a label that says "do not drink or use medication before
operating"
3. You eat your tonsils after they're removed
2. A cake covers half of your view as you read this
1. The amount of calories you take in daily outnumbers the odometer on your
car
MY E-MAILZ
From: yugoslavia@agnisadvantage.chug
Subject: Don't worry, this isn't about a credit card!
Hello potential customer! Save big bucks on your next Dollar Tree purchase with our new Agnis Advantage card! Choose from over seven designs including and limited to:
American Flag
American Flag with 49 Stars
Bald Eagle
Bald Eagle Wearing Eyepatch
Jeep Cherokee
Jeep Cherokee Wearing Eyepatch
Los Angeles Projects
Tom Arnold
Apply now and receive no interest until tomorrow!
From: customersupport@ebay.com
Subject: Re: Important question
KrazyQ,
We regret to inform you that your request for acceptance of confederate currency was not approved. Also, I am not sure what you mean by "them yankees will pay."
We appreciate your service, and hope you continue to use eBay for all of your useless junk buying needs!
DR. BILL'S HEALTH TIP:
Trying to get rid of the flu? Extensive research reveals that running thirty miles a day will rid your body of this nasty illness in just a matter of months. This time can be shortened even further by carrying a full golf bag on your back as you run. Doing this will reduce recovery time by up to twenty minutes! If this method doesn't work, drink a two liter bottle of juiced okra and call me in the morning. If my secretary tells you I don't wish to speak to you, don't worry about calling back.
Doctor's orders!
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