MIKE AND BoB
BoB: There's dust all over my shoebox!
Mike: Well there's lint on my new socks!
BoB: My jacket's dying from the heat!
Mike: I left my pants out in the street!
BoB: I don't know what I've been told!
Mike: I just took a leak and I feel like gold!
BoB: Everything you say is wrong!
Mike: Wow it was my zipper all along!
BoB: What are you talking about!?
Mike: I don't know...
THE SOUP KITCHEN
Since The Soup Kitchen got its new name: Pleasant Corner, they've been looking for a mascot, let's look in on the auditions...
Man: The best soup at the best price, Pleasant Corner's for you, I'm the Dancin' Prancin' Cracker, do you like my shoes!
Manager: NEXT!
Man: Hi I'm Scott Bean of Bean's Laxatives and Company
Manager: NEXT!
Little boy: Where's the bathroom daddy?
Manager: I'm not your daddy! Third door on the right! NEXT!
(Man starts beating bongo drums)
Man: Soup, soupity soup, soup man soup! This is the Soup Beatnik telling you to
Manager: NEXT!
Man: Woof woof! I'm Jimmy the Soup Mutt, I could eat at Pleasant Corner everyday! Of course, I'd eat rotten spaghetti if you gave it to me! Ruff ruff!
Manager: Oh that's it! We'll go with the first one!
MY STORYBOOK
One time I looked at a poodle for three hours, I found a dollar the next day.
THE END
TOP TEN LEAST LIKELY PEOPLE TO EVER BE PRESIDENT
10. Dan Akroyd
9. Prince Charles
8. Colin Mochrie
7. Jerry Seinfeld
6. Bill Murray
5. Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen
(They're the same person anyway)
4. Mike Tyson
3. Tina Turner
2. Bobcat Goldthwait
1. Monica Lewinsky
Bonus: Al Gore or John Kerry
(They're the same person anyway)
JOKE O' THE DAY
Where did the mime put his hat?
On the imaginary spice rack!
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